Confession

I have a confession to make. I am a missionary who owns 71 ½ pairs of socks – 35 black, 32 ½ white, 3 tan, and 1 funky striped pair for sleeping. Inventorying them is part of my therapy, quantifying the problem. Some are new; some are old; some are holy, dingy and stretched out; one is missing its mate (why am I saving it???); and somehow they all came with me to South Africa. I put half in my drawers, and half in zip-loc bags for later – whenever that is…

When I moved here, I patted myself on the back thinking I did so well in sacrificing all my “stuff”. Selling things super-cheap. Giving a lot away. Traveling light. Trusting in God’s provision.

Looking at this pile I realize that I struggle with a scarcity mentality, rationalizing about what I “need”. I want to be a good steward by hanging on to what is necessary and practical, but according to my own definition.

When I moved here, the Lord did miraculous things – taking care of my house, raising financial support, providing me with a vehicle during an economic nosedive. I was just teaching at Hand in Hand that as we trust God and he proves faithful, our faith grows stronger and we’re able to trust him with bigger, riskier things. Yet strangely I fall short in the small day-to-day things. As if God can’t meet my need for new socks when these wear out. Or as if he doesn’t care about the little things and someone has to…

Ouch.


So I confess that I’m falling short of trusting God 100%, but I’m working on it. I’m now down to 40 pairs of socks. (I like even numbers…) And I know God isn’t done with me yet. Eish!